So I was at XS having a great time and I saw a guy I “know” who invited me to his table. We drank (actually I think that was my sober week so technically I just pretended to drink) and then they invited me to go to Marquee. I NEVER go to Marquee but I was appreciative to have been invited so we took a cab.
The guy began to tell me how of
ten he came to Vegas and how rich he was and how no one ever believed that the man sitting shotgun was his actual bodyguard. SO PLEASE DO NOT GET ME WRONG: I am not dissing this rich guy for bragging. I do not disrespect tourists! Vegas is for saying whatever in the hell you want to say without people judging you! I knew my rules for having sex with new people (and if you read these then you would too) so I hadn’t decided how I felt about this guy. Coincidentally I never had to decide but still:
So he gets into the conversation IN THE CAB about whether or not he and I would end up in bed together. I told the TRUTH: that I hadn’t decided yet. Either jokingly or not (I forget) he mentioned that he would rather a woman tell him that she considered him “not his type.”
Knowing me, hearing this sparked my brain. I asked him to explain. He really was too drunk to explain but interestingly the bodyguard AGREED with him and said that he would rather be told
“YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE” instead of “I HAVEN’T DECIDED YET”.
So maybe the older guy was sensitive about being used for money and thought it was some kind of code for “depends on what you do for me” but not the paid bodyguard. So I asked a few male friends and the majority agreed that they would rather hear “not my type”.
PERSONALLY: I have never been told to my face “YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE”. How can I be sure? Because I would have gone home crying and I would definitely remember that. Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW that I am not everyone’s type. Moreover, I really appreciate a good natured warning if a guy digs something that either obviously isn’t me or he isn’t sure. Examples:
I’m looking for a Jewish girl. I like Black women. I like men. (Race, class, gender, etc.)
I don’t like girls who drink. Sports is very important to me so if you don’t like that then move along. (Lifestyle and values).
I won’t ever be happy unless you’re prepared to step on me in really muddy spiked stilettos. Anal sex is a critical element of my life. (Sexual preferences).
Otherwise, “YOU’RE NOT MY TYPE” is a huge and unnecessary insult. The fact that I’ve never heard it is testament to the accuracy of my statement. No guy has yet to be so stupid or insensitive to say it, yet.
SO WHY WOULD THIS BE A PREFERENCE for MEN? Or was my “polling sample” (the number of men I asked) too small and in fact men would rather not hear this either. Part of the reason I am curious is because even if a guy wasn’t my type I wouldn’t say that to his face.
But the simple fact here is that I wasn’t making an excuse in this case. I SERIOUSLY JUST HADN’T DECIDED YET. I’d only known the guy for an hour! So now I am going to try and expand my sample size by polling the question.
If you are reading this then please either answer, comment or both.
Which would you rather hear to the inquiry of rather or not the night would end with sex?
I have nothing bad to say about youtube. I was simply using it as storage to get the links to people and this page. As far as I knew no one looked at them except the people who knew what to look for (like 25 ppl), I couldn’t search them when I tried, and no one said anything. I didn’t even know there was such thing as an INBOX or to check GMAIL. So one time I just attached my phone and uploaded a bunch and then went to sleep.
I never thought a thing about it until Sunday when I noticed that my page had BLOWN UP!!! I found the two official warnings (even though to me it was just one upload, one warning) and saw all the comments and messages. I worked until my eyes could barely stay open to CLEAN IT ALL UP, and I DID! Then I posted an apology/explanation/thanks and went to bed.
I woke up to find one of my most harmless videos that I was so CONFIDENT about had booted me. It was the one where I show that my pants don’t fit. I am wearing the pants, underwear, and he shirt. I show the pants on, then I take them off underneath the desk to show the “0″ tag and you can barely see some cute blue panties. Then I comment about the value of being single even when it is hard sometimes: I get out more, I dance here, and I lost weight. Nothing provocative about it and no one on Facebook said anything to make me think differently and it is still there for anyone including my grandparents to see and judge.
That was the video that put me under! FUNNY PART: Right after I made that I noticed that “New Slang” had over 400 visitors. I still hadn’t gone onto YouTube to see the incredible BLOW UP of everything (or I would have posted it right then and there-and you know it!) so I decided to do an experiment and I matched the outfit from “New Slang” to a similar one (using the same blue bootie short style panties I was already wearing in my “Pant’s too Small” video) and made 3 sexy dancing videos to see if it was the SONG responsible. Those posts were fine!!!!!
Who knows how many people had viewed by the time it shut off, bc the number was growing what seemed like a thousand every hour or two. I saw it was 100% men and ONLY ONE NEGATIVE COMMENT THAT I SAW (but didn’t read).
What did I learn: the dancing videos which started as a joke brought people to read my blog more than the Top 10 List and I LIKE AND PLAN TO GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT, on principle and because there is no measure to how far I will go to try and people to LISTEN, CARE, LOVE THEMSELVES, GIVE THANKS AND APPRECIATION and engage in the conversation which is all I have left to contribute to the world.
ALSO: A ton of the messages asked where they could PAY or BUY to see more! LMFAO. Imagine if I had started out TRYING to profit from this: it would have never worked. The more you push the more people pull away. Effort and need are a turn off even if what you want is not for your own good. PEOPLE SEEK YOU WHEN YOU AREN’T TRYING!
So if anyone wants to make a real site with a real payment method one might consider it a good investment ;)
I think these posts are overkill for one “day” but it occurs to me that people who are on FB now probably aren’t with family. So I can be virtual family!
So sorry for not being about to say goodbye to all of the great people I met today. I would rank the decision to post a topless video of me dancing right beside the best decision I’ve ever made, which was getting the breasts in the first place. I know Thanksgiving is past but I am so grateful for all the gifts I have been given in life, all the people I know and care about, and also the amazing new people I met today. It really takes the sting out of being emotionally alone for Christmas for the first time in my life. Despite the sting this is exactly the life that I have dreamed of and I’m grateful for the courage to plan, manage, and execute my decisions to achieve that life as I see fit. Bold moves and honesty make it easier and faster to separate the people that are similar to me from the people who aren’t and today was a total success. As I’ve said many times before, if everyone in the world likes you then you are doing something wrong or at least not remotely achieving your potential. Furthermore if you care about everyone liking you then that shows that your own needs and self is the center of your world. If you care about other people before your own self than you must take risks that could potentially upset people. Sadly, even if you are technically successful the person whose life you improved might still resent or avoid you. To the people who don’t give a shit about any of this: stop reading, duh. What I am getting at is that I wrote a LONG article last night that starts out talking about Jack Colton, Tiffany Master’s and the Socialite list but it basically ended up as a general into to the purpose of all of this craziness. If some of my true friends could read it than that would be great ;)
I posted too many times in the past day so I am going to piggyback this on the same post though it is not related: The day was somewhat saddened at the end to find out that I upset someone I used to love. I am always smiles and teases but turns out he wasn’t having fun and he showed it by expressing anger and trying ridiculously too hard to make me think he hates me. But come on sweetie, the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. People who are indifferent don’t drive 30 minutes out of their way just to come get one stupid old shirt unless they are hurting maybe from general loneliness or maybe even anxiety and bitterness over the implication of rejection. I think you will realize later that you weren’t rejected and my decisions were in the best interest of us both. I found it courageous of you not to let me off the hook and thus risking the potential for exposure of weakness and the loss of someone that truly cares about you. Burning bridges is a dangerous game that I never play. I know that I have caused harm and pain in my life but the men usually never took the risk to let it show and each and every one of them remains my friend to this day. Which in fact was a lot smarter of them but that’s not the point. So tonight for one of the first times I spent an hour reflecting on my choices and to be honest, had I the opportunity to start again I still wouldn’t have done anything differently. But I am sorry for your pain or anger or whatever you want to call it. So if this is my only way of saying goodbye then that I have done.
So both he and I will be without a romantic companion on Christmas. Shout out to everyone in this same place. It feels very strange after a lifetime of serial matrimony/monogamy but I KNOW that it’s worth it. Love is great and I’ll take it many times a year and jump in with both feet. And I will do it without an ounce of fear, because the only fear worth considering is the risk that the relationship might work when I am way too young to be ready for it. And there’s no need to be afraid of that really because when you are in love everything you’ve ever said or believed will go right out the window and you will be happy. And if you break up that means you get to start a whole new life! It seems scary and there may be pain but I’d much rather live nine lives (i.e. have 9 great loves) than only one. That’s just math ;) So to all the freak men out there with trust issues: grow a pair, get over it, and get out and have some fun with the smart guys.
Jon Wuan how did you kno i was olone for christmas , lol
Lawrence Sedillo Merry Christmas Jessica Glad to have virtually met you today
Alec Apostolou Very well spoken!!! The more I learn about u the more I like and respect. Actually I am with family but I thought u were worth me taking the time to share my opinions with u. Virtual family sounds good as well. :):):)
Carson Matheny I love the last part. If ur not taking chances and risks your not living to the fullest. Never be afraid of love, and you’ll be the better for it in the long run. Its impossible to make it through life without being hurt, but if you can come back from that pain you’ll find you’re stronger then you thought. The heart is the only muscle destroyed by a harsh word/act and healed by a gentle touch. Merry Christmas, you are virtually surrounded people who love you for you and are just as happy to have you in their lives
Miguel Trejo Keep doing what your doing and your life will be filled with a great deal of self fulfillment and wealth. Great things happen to good people. We become what we make of ourselves. I believe more individuals need to be raised old school. May you and all our friends have a great and safe Christmas.
Jonathan Bernstein Have a merry Christmas Jessica! We all need people in our lives to make things meaningful. Your child, family, friends. There can be lows – I didn’t get to see my kids for almost a year. Things change and often improve with friends in our lives and goals. They will improve
Brent Mizel Well said Jessica – I hope that your holiday goes well, understanding being emotionally alone since I’m there with you but it sounds like you’re in a great frame of mind!
Sarah Bethea Well put Jess! Love you see you soon. KISSES
By Laurent Velazquez